My guarded heart

Sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere tears swell in my eyes at the thought of our baby girl on the other side of the  world. It amazes me how IN LOVE I am with this little person who I have never even laid eyes on! Oh how God has and is preparing us for her! For the most part I have  had to keep my heart pretty guarded on this adoption journey…maybe not on purpose, but more out of survival mode. I can not let myself obsess about it all the time (though she is ALWAYS on my heart and mind). I can’t let myself constantly daydream about where she is…if she is born…what her smile looks like and her giggle sounds like. But when I do crack that door and let myself sit in thinking about her and dreaming about her, my heart is flooded with emotion! Yesterday was one of those days. I probably cried 4 times thinking about her. Part of this was because I had a phone consultation with our International Pediatrician who was just going over some things that we need to be prepared for when we receive our referral and bring baby Opi home. One of the first things she said on the phone was “Every adopted child is considered special needs, because at some point in their short life they have experienced grief, loss, and abandonment.” I know that. I understand the reality of what it means to be an orphan in this world. But when she said it, it hit me differently. Because she wasn’t talking about an orphan, she was talking about my daughter. The reality of it sunk in and my heart broke for my sweet baby and the loss she has been through. 

On the flip side, I got to meet and hang out with the sweet Lehman family who was in Atlanta visiting. We were talking about their amazing coffee company Gobena (check it out!)! Their little girl, Eva stole my heart! She is adopted from Ethiopia and is just precious! I was on cloud nine the whole drive home just thinking about our sweet Opi and how fun it’s going to be to have a little girl. My heart was filled with joy! 

So I guess the point of this post is just to say I am an emotional mess this week! The adoption journey is such an up and down emotional roller coaster. Oh, but how grateful I am to be on this journey! 

**We should be getting an email from our agency this week about our new wait list number. Excited!

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4 thoughts on “My guarded heart

  1. This post is just about to make me cry!! This adoption journey is so full of both joy and grief. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    Numbers soon!!

  2. Thanks for sharing your heart with the world. I love the way that you love our children. I love the way you think, pray, and live. You are a GREAT mom! I too am SO EXCITED about getting our little girl…

  3. I love where your heart is… and I SO relate!
    What a great mama you already are to precious Opi! Amazing how God hand-selects children for parents AND parents for children! Yes, she’s special needs…. that’s hard….(I know.) But, she has the favor of a great God on her journey and He is writing her story in ways that will draw her closer to Him. In our house we talk a lot about how God is ‘for us’ and how He puts His kids just where He wants them and takes care of them. Can’t wait to hear about your new place on the list! So happy with you!!!

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